Securing the Second Date


By Nicole Honchariw

Alright. The date is over, you got home in one piece, and while you might be a little buzzed, both of you managed to not get shmammed and give it up on the first night. Congratulations! You can now proceed to the next level.
It seems some guys are having a hard time taking this step, but we know you’re leading the pack. A segue into a second date shouldn’t be difficult, assuming you handle things with some natural swag. Here’s why you are getting to Round 2:

1. You’re accurately reading the first date. Was there genuine laughter? Was there engaging, interesting conversation? Were there hints of introductions to best friends or suggestions of new restaurants to try? Did your heart speed up a bit when she accidentally brushed her hand against yours (and did it speed up even more when you realized, maybe, it wasn’t “accidentally”)? All of these are signs that you, yes, you, are in.
2. You gave your date good things to report back. This means, among other things, that you behaved like a gentleman. You put her comfort and preferences first. You pulled out her chair. You waited with her as she waited for her Uber, and if it was freezing outside, you gave her your jacket. And, of course, (now this is of the utmost importance) –
3. You picked up the bill. No ifs. No buts. No further elaboration.
4. You ASK for a real second date. In this current technological dating desert, too many men are skipping the most important part: actually asking for and planning a true second date. They’re rolling off the comfort of a great first date and too easily settling into loose texting and skimming on further plans, as though all of their hard work has paid off and they should immediately skip to Netflix and Chill.

To get from a great first date to an even better second date, you need to ask for and plan a second date. Don’t jump the gun and skip to an 8:30 p.m., “Hey, let’s meet up when we’re out tonight,” type of text. That’s uninteresting, and quite frankly, frustrating. It’s too casual too soon, which will likely lead to sex too soon. While that may sound fun, it’s not- men and women both benefit from waiting and letting the tension build (it makes the sex better, and guess what? You won’t get that bored feeling you’re getting after each time you sleep with a woman right away.)

Here’s an easy tip: after the first date, send an affirming, but brief message the next day. Follow the ever reliable sandwich formula, if that helps. For example:

Quick intro- “Hi ____. I had a great time last night.”

Clever comment on some common ground/inside joke/specific thought from the evening- “I had no idea another human enjoyed eating peanut butter while watching Jeopardy as much as I do.”

Quick, but sweet, outro- “I’d love to see you again, if you’re interested.”

Short, sweet, and leaves off with enough vagueness to keep the girl in slight suspense. That’s a good thing- you’ll keep her on her toes without playing games.

Once you’ve sent that little ditty into the world, wait another day (or two, if you can,) and then call her. Not text- call. Get your girl on the line, and propose a specific plan for a specific evening. If she has plans that night, no worries, just show you can be flexible and throw out another option. Assuming you really did have a worthwhile first date, you’re guaranteed another round.








Urbanity